1. Be honest about whether you like the person you have been asked to eulogise. If you don’t, then make an excu

se and decline.

2. Gather the basic information: date and place of birth, parents and siblings, education, marriage, family, work, other achievements. Get them from someone who really knows, which probably means a close relative.

3. Add some personal qualities. Ask a small number of relatives and close friends/colleagues for their thoughts and memories. Also ask them to sum up the person you are wanting to describe in a single word or short phrase.

4. Trawl your own memories. Think of the times you shared together. Such stories – and your feelings about them - will be what gives your eulogy its unique flavour.

5. After you have spoken to about half a dozen people, start to write a plan. Aim for about 800 words – which will give you 6-8 paragraphs. Each of these paragraphs should have a particular theme or story.

6. Write a quick draft from memory – then go back into your notes and fill in the gaps.

7. This is not a piece of fiction. So go through your writing and cut out all the vague and glowing phrases, such as: ‘a lovely person who was generous to a fault’. Replace such phrases with facts: ‘The annual quizes he organised raised thousands of pounds for the local food bank ’

 8. Show your draft to at least one person before you deliver it. I prefer to show it to someone who is not a close relative of the person I am writing about, so they can be a bit more measured in their response. Ask them if they think it is a fair description.

9. Don’t be afraid to address recent pain. But move on quickly to recall (and celebrate) happier times.

10. Polish your first and last lines in particular. They should be original, and every word in them must count. They will be the ones that will last in the memory of the mourners, so they have to be good.